Smiled and Sighted

Habit terbaik aku. Pandang dia, senyum pastu mengeluh. Then pandang tempat lain. Aku tatau. Aku buat habit aku ni (unconsiously) kat semua perempuan yang aku admire dan yang admire aku. Aku ada satu mindset yang gilababi super negatif. Aku inferior. Low self-esteem? I don't even know how to put this.

Bila aku suka kat seorang perempuan, aku akan terus rasa inferior. Inferior bukan terus tak tegur dia langsung, but the inner me. Dalam diam aku akan buat andaian sendiri. Selalunya "She's out of my reach," atau "She deserves those way better than me,". Rasanya paling senang nak gambarkan perasaan inferior aku ni is read through Tal Bachman punya lirik, lagu "She's so High"

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She's blood, flesh and bone
No tucks or silicone
She's touch, smell, sight, taste and sound

But somehow I can't believe
That anything should happen
I know where I belong
And nothing's gonna happen
Yeah, yeah

(Chorus):
'Cause she's so high...
High above me, she's so lovely
She's so high...
Like Cleopatra, Joan of Arc, or Aphrodite
She's so high...
High above me

First class and fancy free
She's high society
She's got the best of everything

What could a guy like me
Ever really offer?
She's perfect as she can be
Why should I even bother?

(Repeat Chorus)

She comes to speak to me
I freeze immediately
'Cause what she says sounds so unreal

But somehow I can't believe
That anything should happen
I know where I belong
And nothing's gonna happen
Yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah

(Repeat Chorus)
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Teruknya aku. When I was in highschool, reti plak aku flirting. Even masa tgh-tgh tahun aku nak habiskan Diploma aku. Ada je awek yang aku sangkut dan tersangkut dengan aku. Sekarang? Seriously jauh berbeza beb. Sampai ke hari aku tulis note ni, aku dah singled out nearly a year. Er. More. 2 tahun kot. Who's counting? I don't know..

Aku ada mention about me being a low self-esteem idiot. No. Aku bukan camtu. Aku still get around them, talk and laugh about something and nearly everything. Kelebihan aku, aku cepat get into the circle dalam masa yang sangat2 singkat. Memang habit aku, making new friends kot. Sampai ada orang jeles dan kadang2 tu pelik, "bila ko kenal dia hah?" "sejak bila ko rapat ngan dia?" So on..

Tapi (sekarang) dalam bab relationship and building it, mmg aku sgt phail. Haha. phial. Si bongok.